They Don’t Know You The Way I Do

There are always people who yearn for the pull of High School, those days of glory and mischief and youthful immortality. They are memorialized in song, literature and film and let’s face it – these people are fucking losers. The real adventure is to get out into the world, into the walk and BEING of…

Pore Strips and Teletubbies

I live a secret life. You see me outside my house, you see me at lunch, over drinks, out for a run. You see me at work, you see me in an environment I control. You don’t see me, however. You see what I’ve crafted for you. In some ways it’s reminiscent of people who…

This Too Shall Pass

I was up before everyone else this morning, in a strange twist of fate of late, and decided to play a little of the old World of Warcraft. I decided to cancel my subscription – just for a while, simply because I only play it about once a month and honestly there are whole months…

The North Remembers

When I was a kid there was a Double Cola bottling plant in my home town. If it worked at all within my lifetime I can’t actually recall, but for most of my life it was referred by Mom as “The Old Double Cola Bottling Plant”.  It was brick and dark and not a place…

It’s All About Goat Yoga

My friend Allison loves goats. She loves goats so much that when I’m having a bad day she sends me GIFS or vids of baby goats, and by proxy I’m having a better day. So when Goat Yoga came to our local baseball stadium it was pretty much a moral imperative that we go. The…

Panty Problems

When you’ve been overweight for a really long time you become accustomed to never having cute panties. Or rather, to having cute panties NOT actually look cute on you. Maybe your old man thinks they look great, but the truth is, they don’t have the look they do in the magazines. You’ve got rolls, you’ve…

Hobbit Adjustments

If you know me at all in life, you’ll know that “popping” knuckles or joints of any sort makes me almost physically ill. If it happens to me I feel sick – I can’t STAND it. If YOU do it I feel a wave of nausea just from the sound of your joints. It literally…

With Heroes and Friends

I’m going to be fifty next year, and one of the coolest things about that is that I’ve had a long time to make friends. I’ve got friends I’ve known since God was a Boy, I’ve got friends I’ve never met in person, I’ve got friends who have only come into my life in the…

It Never Gets Easier

When they were large for toddlers acting like toddlers it was kind of awkward. As they get bigger and bigger and don’t change all that much, it redefines awkward. It redefines hard. I have a 12 year old boy, nearly days away from being 13 who is currently playing with a little Fisher Price truck,…

Idiopathic Just Means They Don’t Know WTF

I got my diagnosis from my awesomesauce new doctor and it was sort of like GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS.Bad news, Chronic Idiopathic Uticaria is the reason I’m constantly breaking out with hives.  It’s kind of like well you’ve got this thing and we know some things that make it worse but not EXACTLY why…

I’m Fine This Is Fine

I’ve been eliminating various things in a half assed attempt to figure out what I’m allergic to prior to going to the doctor. I’m not sure why, possibly I was going to say “I was having all these hives but I eliminated dairy and now I’m cured. I think YOU owe ME some money.” I…

I’m Fine This Is Fine

I’ve been eliminating various things in a half assed attempt to figure out what I’m allergic to prior to going to the doctor. I’m not sure why, possibly I was going to say “I was having all these hives but I eliminated dairy and now I’m cured. I think YOU owe ME some money.” I…