Real Family Values

It’s a running joke both in my family and with some of my friends that everybody has a cousin Eddy. We all have that family member who is ridiculously embarrassing and annoying. They’re crass, uneducated, prone to do things that you wish to GOD they wouldn’t do in front of other people and best of…

I Am

I had this ridiculous day yesterday where I ran around doing lots of various silly things, mostly hell bent on celebrating my birthday via getting places to give me free stuff. Had I not wanted to go to work (not optional) nor see my family I could’ve done a LOT more but alas I wanted…

Birthday Eve

I spent my birthday eve wasting time on the internet. playing board games and making puzzles with the girl, and soaking in the tub. The tub is a good place to think. I’m going to be 49 in the morning at around 7:36 am. I’m really ambivalent about it. I was kind of excited a…

Cornfield Concierge

Wedding rituals in the U.S. probably haven’t changed much in quite some time. I’m sure that there are soon to be brides somewhere folding down the corners in their thick spring/summer issue of BRIDES magazine, noting the gowns they love, the bridesmaid gowns they love, which flatware they fancy and the like. I personally had…

The Way You Smell

The conversation came up on FACEBOOK about your first cologne or a scent you used to wear and it brought me back to an age old conversation with my mother. My mother, you see, was a scent nazi. She was so incredibly particular about scents that there was NO negotiation with her. NONE. She had…

To Christa, at day 336

One of my sorority sisters, a lady I consider family for life, lost her mother exactly 336 days ago. She’s struggling, she’s coping, she’s grieving, she’s getting by day after day while living the new life she’s now forced into. This post is for her. The thing, I think, about losing our mothers is that…

They Don’t Know You The Way I Do

There are always people who yearn for the pull of High School, those days of glory and mischief and youthful immortality. They are memorialized in song, literature and film and let’s face it – these people are fucking losers. The real adventure is to get out into the world, into the walk and BEING of…

Pore Strips and Teletubbies

I live a secret life. You see me outside my house, you see me at lunch, over drinks, out for a run. You see me at work, you see me in an environment I control. You don’t see me, however. You see what I’ve crafted for you. In some ways it’s reminiscent of people who…

This Too Shall Pass

I was up before everyone else this morning, in a strange twist of fate of late, and decided to play a little of the old World of Warcraft. I decided to cancel my subscription – just for a while, simply because I only play it about once a month and honestly there are whole months…

The North Remembers

When I was a kid there was a Double Cola bottling plant in my home town. If it worked at all within my lifetime I can’t actually recall, but for most of my life it was referred by Mom as “The Old Double Cola Bottling Plant”. ┬áIt was brick and dark and not a place…

It’s All About Goat Yoga

My friend Allison loves goats. She loves goats so much that when I’m having a bad day she sends me GIFS or vids of baby goats, and by proxy I’m having a better day. So when Goat Yoga came to our local baseball stadium it was pretty much a moral imperative that we go. The…

Panty Problems

When you’ve been overweight for a really long time you become accustomed to never having cute panties. Or rather, to having cute panties NOT actually look cute on you. Maybe your old man thinks they look great, but the truth is, they don’t have the look they do in the magazines. You’ve got rolls, you’ve…