Autism 1, Me 0

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My son Miles has been wrongly accused of some bad behavior recently. For the past few weeks we’ve had this issue of coffee being strewn about the house as though it were beads at Mardi Gras. He’s been consigned to a travel mug, with a spill proof lid, much to his consternation. He doesn’t like it – it makes him mad. But since we’ve made the change we’ve last less coffee splashed about so we assumed we had solved this issue.

Until this morning.

This morning was a pretty normal weekend morning which is always a sign that nutfuckery is lurking. Charlie woke me up around 7 am be declaring “I WANT COFFEE” over and over and so he and I stumbled downstairs with the sole purpose of consuming meds and making coffee. Eventually the good smell attracted Miles – the coffee demon – and he settled down at the computer with his own cup.

As I was sitting DIRECTLY beside him and he wasn’t running about the house, I gave him a REAL cup. I sat at my PC writing, he sat at his PC watching Youtube videos and there was peace. Charlie was watching Disney and occasionally stealing drinks of my coffee. Somewhere about this time, I decided it was nearly 9 am I should get dressed and sort breakfast like a proper adult.

I left the computer room and traveled the short distance down the hall to dress, put my hair up and brush my teeth. The amount of time I was gone was probably in the neighborhood of FOUR minutes. I exited my bedroom, walked down the hall only to encounter wet splatters all over the carpet at the top of the stairs.

OMG WHAT THE HELL.

My first inclination was pee. If you have ever spent any time with 12 year old severely autistic boys you probably know two things, they are HUGE fans of their own junk and take it out of their diaper when it suits them AND – they’ll pee wherever.  So I think OMG WTF CHARLIE PEED ON THE FLOOR! I called him and said DID YOU WET?

At which point I noticed his face. And hands. And that the wall had brown splotches. And that the bathroom floor had brown splotches. And his shirt. And it’s STICKY.

Coffee.

It wasn’t Miles AT ALL.

Miles was sitting with his cup still, at the computer watching a Thomas video, relaxing and resting calmly enjoying his morning. MY cup however was empty.

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I felt like Archer as I scrubbed and scrubbed the carpet and the floor and all the above mentioned places including my kid.

This is the first of many examples of how autism can jump up and kick you in the boo-boo. Welcome to this new blog, where I’m going to be talking pretty exclusively about autism parenting.

Autism Parenting. It’s what’s for breakfast.

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